Meditation, as of now


(I humbly bow before the Teachers, any ignorance is my own)
I am sitting on my ass
On a cushion, on the floor
Alone in my room
It is summer, it is hot
I feel the fan blowing, gently
The sound a soft wooosh
I breathe in and out
A bird outside is singing to me
A car pulling away
My neighbor downstairs, closing a door
Realizing I'm lost in a daydream,
Of her, of love,
I gently (dammit) turn back to the breath
In and out
I am sitting on my ass
In the mountains, by a creek
Under a tree, like Buddha, only dumber
I breathe
The creek tells me I am alive,
I live in a world of flowing water and trees,
Sunlight
A fly lands on my nose,
To test my patience
The wind blows, a soft wooosh
And for a moment, the creek and trees disappear
And there is only the light, only...
I am sitting on my ass
Knees yelling at me,
In the meditation hall
Back bitching at me
How goddamn long have we been sitting here
I breathe, in and out
Sunlight splashes in through the windows
The shrine in front of me
Is on fire with glittering, gleaming little lights
I am trying so hard not to laugh
But now, and now, always now
Forever only this now
I am sitting, here, now
Grey skies outside
On my goddamn ass
And I am crying, and I swear I am trying to just breathe
But this now only wants to tell me about my broken heart
About her, about love
I have to see it, like the faded light on the floor in front of me,
As my broken heart fills the room, fills the skies
Rains on the city, thunder cracking
I breathe, in and out
I am sitting, yep, on my ass, in my room
It is winter, it is cold
The heater ticks and buzzes
I breathe, and realize I am writing poetry more than meditating
I let go, I breathe, I open
A siren outside, woooo woooo woooo
Sings to me, tells me, Wake up
Breathe, The world is full of suffering
Birth and Death are endless
I sit, I feel my heart, I let go
And it seems
Warriors on horseback, in flowing colors
Gallop out of my head
Crying Victory! Crying Peace!
Rainbows pour from my heart
Sunlight flowing out of my skin
To my neighbors, to my enemies
To all
I sit, I flow
I am a king on a throne
A hermit in a cave
A tattooer in Asheville
I am a lost and lonely light
That sees itself
And disappears,

​​​​​​​​​Richard Lamos